holler
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Grasshopper King Declares “Ant Civilization Will End Tonight”
Yard – Calamity and Chaos filled the backyard today, after an entire ancient civilization of ants faced the wrath of the tyrannical Grasshopper King, 79-days emerged from its nymph stage. “An entire civilization will end tonight” the grasshopper was heard exclaiming, pumping its fists skyward as other grasshoppers in congress around the king continued to
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After Easter Tweet, Delighted Ares God of War Offers to Become New God of America
Mount Olympus, America – Supernatural rumblings took place over Easter Weekend, as an invigorated Ares of Greek and Roman lore made waves by allegedly reaching out to US officials to declare and offer his services of ‘the true god of your nation.’ “The Easter Tweet was all I needed to confirm it. America wants the
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Artemis II Image Proves the Earth Is Flat
Behold, the final proof that the Earth is flat as a Cartesian Map. For years, charlatans have claimed crazy theories of heliocentric ludicrosities, positing that the Earth was a sphere, hurtling through space in a constrained manner around a greater sphere of named the Sun. But alas, the Artemis II may have breached the containing
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Confirmed: UFO Aliens Are Actually Demons Conspiring To Overtake America and Reign in A New Age of Leftist Darkness
As the world anxiously awaits the release of the Alien Files, new irrefutable evidence shows the Crown Prince of Liberalism himself, THE DEVIL, is an alien who is masterminding the downfall of humanity. In the photographic representation that my Facebook friends claim is from a hard-hitting news website The Onion, we can clearly see that
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Female Frogs Play Dead to Avoid Mating With Males
As well documented by male humans (Homo sapiens) who choose to pick a mate to marry, females are anecdotally known to great extremes to avoid performing reproductive acts. Scientists have now found that female frogs engage in the same behavior human wives have done for millenia. Rana temporaria, a type of frog, was recently studied
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Armies of Darkness Surrender in Fear, Learn Chuck Norris Has Joined Angelic Forces
Today reports emerge that evil has suffered a ‘devastating reckoning’ after learning Earthly hero and great man Chuck Norris has ascended to Heaven to take his rightful place amongst the angels. The move has put Beelzebub and company into a frenzy of fear and panic. A local minister reports the Lord of Darkness himself reached
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Confirmed: ‘The Aladdin of Iran’ Destroyed F-35 With Ancient Desert Magicks
Iranabia – Mixed reports were discussed in the Holler today all but confirming ‘The Aladdin of Iran’ has now joined America’s war in Iran. News footage showed America’s prize F35 stealth fighter, berthed from a $20 trillion project, was felled today in battle after coming across Iran’s revolutionary airforces. Americans who watched Disney in the
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Local Father Adjusts Thermostat on Last Day of Winter, Declares ‘We Made It’
Sasnak Heights – After months refusing to turn the thermostat 1 notch above 55 degrees, local father Greg Patterson approached the thermostat early Thursday morning with the quiet resolve of a man who endured the greatest of hardships. Witnesses say he paused for a brief moment, hand hovering over the dial before declaring “We made
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Local Man Gets Taste Slapped Out of Mouth, Asked Wife “Leftovers Again?”
Sasnak Heights – Local dad and union member Bobby Kierney told local outlets he was ready to tell his story. It is one that has intrigued many for several weeks now and has gained national acclaim. Bobby’s story starts out on a day like just many others. He kissed his wife and daughter’s goodbye and
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Uber Must Add a Verified Gentlemen and Women Preference To Keep Our Ladies Safe
World – Fine day to you one, if not to you all. Today, the the headline of choice explores a new feature from the ‘taxi’ company Uber. The company rolled out a new feature named ‘Women Preference’ in which female drivers can choose to have a woman drive them around, leaving all men out of