Mount Olympus, America – Supernatural rumblings took place over Easter Weekend, as an invigorated Ares of Greek and Roman lore made waves by allegedly reaching out to US officials to declare and offer his services of ‘the true god of your nation.’
“The Easter Tweet was all I needed to confirm it. America wants the world to howl in despair. They no longer want a world plagued with cute Easter bunnies and loving grandparents who run through green fields, taking pictures and making warm memories on Easter morn. Nay!”
“They want burnt flesh! They want the Easter story not of boring love and redemption for all. They want bridges burning! Power plants nuclear bombed! They want to run the streets in togas, ripping them off and pointing their busts skyward, clipping their nurples with clamps and running their index fingers over their Aresolas, yelling, ‘Let death fall upon the ‘f*ckin! crazy bastards! Glory to Ares!”
Asked for proof, Ares allegedly caused this image to manifest upon screens and printouts for clergy:
“It is truly special when a great civilization decides to worship me. They do all the war things. They laugh as the innocent are tormented in camps. They get glib and ecstatic when bombs fall upon schools full of children. These are all wonderful things. Perhaps the greatest of all, is when they get rid of their ‘treat others as they want to be treated’ religions and instead follow mine, where you promise to rain death and destruction upon the innocent on days usually known for peace.”
Source report Ares then stomped on a bunny to prove his point, then hovered toward Washington DC ‘to hopefully make it official.”
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