Today reports emerge that evil has suffered a ‘devastating reckoning’ after learning Earthly hero and great man Chuck Norris has ascended to Heaven to take his rightful place amongst the angels.
The move has put Beelzebub and company into a frenzy of fear and panic. A local minister reports the Lord of Darkness himself reached out, asking for prayer for his anxiety and nerves.
“At our clergy board broadcast today, we had a surprise call in from an ‘Unable to Detect’ Number. It was Lucifer, old Ba’al of old. I couldn’t believe it!!
The Lord of Darkness went on to say, “I need all the prayers I can get. Chuck Norris has gained his angel wings and he’s looking for some demon ass to kick, mine especially.”
Further reports claim from the heavens, flashes of streaked lightning have been reported, which learned scholars figure must be Archangel Michael and Norris ‘training to wreck unprecedented havoc’ upon evil.
